so is it me against the whole damn world?

damn im feelin really creepy with all this insecurities and fears...about?
Interpersonal relationships
no not my relationship with my baybee, were done just fine and in fact pretty damn loving him more and more each then interpersonal relationships?

with who?
= the people around me... my family...friends...strangers basically every human being ive met.

i wonder sometimes how do people actually see me...what do others think of me cos i sure have a whole lot of things to say about the people i know.

i know for a fact that no one can be friends with everyone in this planet...we cant be pleasing every being in this world and i agree totally with that an thats not the issue here...but why is it that i cant seem to feel "close" to the people i know...

When i first get to know someone i do agree i am kind of a cold person ( and i think most people are too) but am i stuck up? arrogant? proud? as what ive heard from some of the friends about their first impressions of me...cos i sure know that i am not inside...very often, i feel as if i lack language skills and social skills to mix around people i dont know...i feel that i am very bad at expressing myself to people...i feel that sometimes im even ignored by the people around me..when i open my gap and start to talk..sometimes i even feel the need to attract some attention to be seen....ok thats alot of "i feel-s" in there haha so yeah is that why i dont have much people i can count as friends? or people that i can easily feel at home with? that i can pour out my heart to?

i dont know if its me or the people i know but y is it that i can feel so annoyed with all the people around least oncee for everyone of them..heh its like i have to give them a timetable or something

"1-30 Jan - annoyed with A
31st Jan - pick new target
1-30 Feb - annoyed with B"

what the hell is wrong with me????

am i so damn sensitive and such a bitch that i have to get mad at all my friends at least once throughout our whole friendship...the kind of annoyed i mean includes ignoring them and feeling really really stressed about my relationship with them as a friend and bringing back all the old issues i had with them and relating all the shit to one another

"...Heh so that is why she was......"
"....i wonder what were her intentions that time when she said bla bla bla..."

sometimes it gets so bad i even feel like disowning them as a friend. well, i cant really do that in fact since my friends and i are not blood related or neither did we go through any ceremony to 'vow' that we wil be friends forever so anyways yeah id feel soo soo soo sad and dissapointed in myself and that friend of mine which i have "picked to be annoyed at". bleh. im such a weirdo.

that is why im saying that only when i start to get close to people that i will discover their other side and slowly grow to disliking them eventhough i do in a way accept their shortcomings as human beings...everyone has some traits which are not acceptable to all right? woohooo imcontradicting myself again! blah. im just gona type whatever that comes to mind to hell with contradicting myself.

aiks gotta have to continue later..gotta go out now

EDITED : then again...this is my blog and i have all the right to contradict myself mwahaha come blog add says it all :D cheers.

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